Adventure In Running

Typically, when you see somebody jogging, they are utilizing one of two pretty standard facial expressions:

Grim, But Determined – Their eyes are squeezed almost shut, their jaws are set, and their faces are grim masks of determination, which gives the expression its name. These people are really focused! (Or perhaps constipated. The two looks are eerily similar.) The point is, these people realize that running isn’t exactly the most fun thing in the world to do, coming in just behind wisdom teeth extraction with minimal anesthesia, but they know it’s something they need to engage in if they don’t want to have to get a pair of fat pants, and so they’re totally embracing it. Nothing will stop them! If one of their legs were to fall off, they’d just hop along on the other and curse bitterly when the run was over because they’d wish their time had been better.

Frightened and Defeated – I usually fall into this category. This is when the runner knows they’re making a huge mistake by either trying to run further than they should, or by even lacing up their shoes in the first place. “Why am I even out here?” is the thought their wide eyes and comically contorted faces seem to be expressing. “Why fight the inevitable? I don’t mind my fat pants one bit! They’re really comfortable! I’ll just say I’m big-boned!”

Now, despite these two expressions being the norm, I recently managed to incorporate a completely different one while I was out running. But it wasn’t my fault. It was Click and Clack’s.

For those of you who don’t know, Click and Clack are the hosts of Car Talk, a weekly automobile call-in show on NPR. Without going into any details, because that would be way too much like work, I’ll just say that the show can be quite amusing.

Anyway, I was listening to a podcast of it while I was running, and I hit a particularly chuckle-inducing portion.

Have you ever heard the expression not being able to chew gum and walk at the same time? Well, it turns out that holds true for me in terms of running and laughing. My brain just doesn’t have enough cognitive power to spread out amongst both tasks, which causes each to function at less than optimal levels.

I knew I was in trouble as soon as I started to smirk, which was when my brain began to struggle to keep up. I tried to stifle the laugh but failed. This is when the proverbial wheels fell off. No longer fully focused on running, I was forced to slow down, and my running form, which was never pretty to begin with, morphed into some sort of wobbling catastrophe you’d most likely associate with a man trying not to fall over while wearing stilts, all while my face screwed up into the ridiculous expression one gets when they try and fail to hold back an explosive belly laugh.

That’s a fun mental picture, isn’t it?

I’m pretty sure I was a sight to those people who drove by at that time and saw me “running” on the sidewalk. I obviously wasn’t falling into either of the two before-mentioned categories. I wasn’t grim, but determined, and I most certainly wasn’t frightened and defeated. Instead, insanity would have been the most logical conclusion: “He’s laughing and running! That doesn’t even make sense!”

Eventually, I was able to regain control and continue on in a fairly normal fashion. However, I’m now a little gun shy of listening to Car Talk while running, as the next time this happens, it might be even worse.

But then again, who really cares? It was kinda fun, and I’m sure I managed to entertain a few people in the process.

Heck, maybe I should take it another step and try to see what else happens with different types of audible stimuli. For example, I could listen to an audio book, one that’s very sad, such as Old Yeller, and then I could run and blubber at the same time. Or I could listen to a political podcast and see if I could fall asleep while running. Or I could listen to any random boy band and cringe. That would probably make me run the fastest, in an attempt to get home as soon as possible.