Fall has always been my favorite season. I like the crispness in the air, the ridiculous amount of football at my disposal, the gloriousness of the changing colors, the satisfying crunch of the leaves beneath my feet, and – most importantly – the total absence of the summer cloud of mosquitoes that are constantly trying to gang up on me and carry me away to who-knows-where.
Unfortunately, fall has traditionally not been without its problems for me. You see, after factoring in the time I spend working, the earliness at which it gets dark, and the fact that I live in the suburbs – which isn’t exactly a playground for nature – the enjoyable portion of the fall season – at least in my world – usually lasts for about 3 total days. I’ll be making plans for all of the places I should visit and explore and suddenly it will be November and the Lions will be out of playoff contention yet again.
But no more! This year I’ve decided to be smart about it. Not only am I planning on taking some strategic PTO, but I’ve also made the executive decision to start the fall season early! Yes, you heard that right! As of a few days ago, I officially deemed it to now be fall! (In case you’re wondering, you do this by dramatically stretching out your arms and saying in a deep voice, “I OFFICIALLY DEEM IT TO NOW BE FALL!”) I then celebrated by breaking out one of my fall flannels, which felt incredibly good to put on. Sure, it might have still been 75 degrees outside, and I may have sweat right through it, but darn it, I was still doing fall things!! (And don’t ask about what happened when I put on one of my warm and cozy national park hoodies.)
Since then, I’ve gone on a fall color tour, where I drove around through the countryside, squinting my eyes and imagining how the trees would look if they weren’t still green. It was nothing short of magical. Also, when I walk around outside now, I make crunching noises with my mouth to simulate the sound of shoes on freshly fallen leaves. Not only does this put me in the fall mood, but it’s also quite effective at getting others nearby to give me a wide berth, which is excellent for my anti-social tendencies. (Fun fact: I’m also going to experiment with chewing on Doritoes while I walk, to see if they make a better leaf-crunching sound. I mean, fall should be delicious, too, right?)
In addition, I’m thinking about hitting up a haunted house soon, which means I’m going to have to find some random abandoned structure in the middle of nowhere and check it out at midnight, all while hoping somebody was murdered there years before whose spirit now restlessly lurks on the premises, taking delight in scaring the daylights out of anybody foolish enough to show their face. (If you want to join me in this endeavor, let me know! It’ll be fun! Probably!)
Beyond that, I have a few more ideas bouncing around in my head, but I still have to flesh them out a bit before moving forward. (Like, how easy would it be to steal a tractor so I could put on my own hay rides? And how ridiculous would it look if I potentially ended up in a low speed chase with law enforcement on the freeway while driving it? And what, exactly, is the standard prison time for grand theft tractor?) Anyway, I'll keep you all posted on these, and in the meanwhile, I'm going to do my best to keep enjoying this early fall season to its full extent! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to trying to whip up my own pumpkin spice coffee, which has really been a head-scratcher. I’ve got my coffee, my pumpkin pie filling, and my pepper, but I really don’t know what to do next. Something with a blender, I’d imagine.
