My Michigan Mini-Football: An Appreciation

I wasn’t sure we’d find it after it got lost in the farmer’s field in North Dakota.

I thought it was gone forever when we kicked it over the barbed wire fence in Montana.

I was sure I’d never see it again when we punted it into the river in Duluth.

I was absolutely positive it reached the end of the line when it disappeared in Minnesota several years ago.

But now it’s back home, a little worse for wear, but nothing you wouldn’t expect if you’d been through what it has.

I’m talking about my Michigan mini-football. I bought it at K-Mart in the Copper Country Mall. That, in itself, should tell you something about how long I’ve had it, as that K-Mart has been closed for a very long time. (Sidebar: one of my biggest regrets in life is never dining at the Eatery in the back of K-Mart. Sigh.)

This football is perfect for traveling with. It’s small, it almost always spirals, and you can throw it a mile. It’s just what you need to break up a long day of driving. You stop the car just about anywhere and run a few routes. Parking lots, desolate roads, roadside parks, it all works.

As mentioned above, I’ve almost lost it several times, but it keeps coming back, like a good bad-penny. Take my trip out west several years ago:

• In North Dakota we had to search a farmer’s field at the intersection of two dirt roads in the middle of nowhere, all because of an errant punt. I kept waiting for the farmer to come out, shotgun ready, yelling at us to get out his field. Luckily, it didn’t happen, and we eventually found the football.

 Minutes before losing the football in the field

• The next day, we kicked it up into a tree at a park in North Dakota. We finally got it down after throwing rocks at it for what seemed like hours. (It was way up there!) A minute later, it got punted into a dry river bed that wasn’t as dry as I thought. Still, it was worth it to get the ball back.

Looking up at the football in the tree

After retrieving it from the mud

• Soon after, we were at a rest stop in Montana and it got punted over a barbed wire fence. We had to poke a long stick through the fence and slowly roll it back.
• At the end of the trip, when we were back in Duluth, it got kicked into a river. Luckily, we were able to fish it back out.
• (Yes, I know. We are terrible at punting. However, it’s too fun to give up, even if it keeps getting us into trouble.)

Soon after the trip out west, it got left in Minnesota, where I thought it was lost for good. (Why would any native Minnesotans go out of their way to make sure no harm came to a Michigan football?) However, it just reappeared there recently, which was like an early Christmas present for me. However, there was one problem: it had a leak, as one of the seams had split.

I had two options. I could either retire it, or I could do all I could to get it back into working order. I chose the second option, and used massive amounts of Gorilla Glue to re-seal the seam.

Gorilla Glued

I’ll admit it’s not pretty, but it’s functional. I’m not sure how long it’ll last, but its legacy is already sealed as being the best football I’ll ever own. Any more use I get out of it is just gravy.

I’m betting it won’t spiral as well anymore, what with the eight pounds of Gorilla Glue throwing it out of balance. Still, I don’t care. And when it finally reaches the point where it is no longer usable, I plan to find a place of honor to retire it. Heck, I may even have to get a mantle.