The Lowe's/Michaels Ratio

So I went into Michaels the other day to buy illustration board. Why? Because I felt the need to illustrate, of course, and what better place to do that than on a board?

Anyway, those of you who have been to Michaels before knows that it’s not what you’d consider a male-tailored store. For example, there are no pictures of things blowing up, nor are there any big screen TVs playing Sportscenter nonstop. Also, handy spittoons are not left out in the aisles for the convenience of chew tobacco users. In addition, there are entire rows of floral arrangements there which can make a guy shudder and dive for cover from up to two aisles over.

Still, I braved it and did my shopping, although when I left I felt a severe need to do something macho, such as hauling off with a satisfying belch.

As I walked to my car afterwards, I looked across the parking lot and saw Lowe's, and I began to think that perhaps I should be spending more time in there. (As of right now, my Lowe’s Visit Counter is stuck at 0.) It just seemed to be the manly thing to do. I mean, there has to be a reason for me to buy a pounder or a, whadyacallit, squeezer, right? Maybe I could get several pieces of drywall for future use. Or what about a drill press? I could fit it in my kitchen.

Now, why would I need these items? Who knows? Maybe I could embark on a do-it yourself project of some sort, possibly involving rafters or joists. (Then I would be able to make the hilarious joke of telling people, “Joist a minute, I’m busy.”)

A moment later, though, I shrugged the urge off. As Popeye says, “I yam what I yam,” and that’s the motto I’m going to stick to. This means that I’ll go to Lowe’s only when I have a real need to go, and no sooner.

So that's my plan, even if it means my Michaels to Lowe’s ratio is not what you’d expect for a typical guy. But why be typical, anyway? Typical is boring. I prefer quirky.

My point is this: don’t worry about what you think others will think, and just follow your heart. (Or any other phrase that is equally as inspiring.) Plus, if I bought a pounder or a squeezer, I’d probably poke my eye out anyways.