Left Behind (Cue Ominous Music)

I like to think of myself as being technologically inclined. However, I also like to think of myself as being stunningly handsome, so feel free to draw your own conclusions.

The point is, I’m pretty much up to date with the changing world of technology. For example, I text. I pay bills online. I don’t remember the last time I mailed a physical letter. I can figure out Red Box. Heck, I’m a software engineer. You get the picture.

But here’s the scary part: it won’t last forever. As you age, eventually you aren’t able to keep up with the constant stream of technological advances. This is because the older you get, the more stubborn and resistant to change you become, which soon leaves you riding a horse in a horseless carriage kind of world.

In fact, I can already see it happening to me. Take video games. When I was twelve I was, and I am not exaggerating here, the best video game player in the entire world. I had ridiculous joystick control, and I was incredibly cool under pressure. I could get Barry Sanders 4092 rushing yards in Tecmo Super Bowl, which was as high as the game would count, before the season was even half over. Today, however, I’m afraid of playing video games. The controllers have roughly eighty-seven buttons and sixteen control sticks. The games themselves are so complex that the manuals are as long as a Steven King thriller. I would have no idea where to start, and so I simply don’t. I hate to say it, but I’ve been passed by.

While you might think that not playing video games isn’t a big deal, it really is. It’s an early indicator of things to come. Soon, as more and more new technology is developed, I will begin to understand less and less of it. Then, at some point, I will become the equivalent of the old man who complains because nobody uses rotary phones anymore, with the only difference being I will be complaining about newer technology.

I can hear myself already: “I’m not using that new-fangled matter transformer gizmo to go to the grocery store! It’s nothing but foolishness! A man could get his arm lopped off if he doesn’t get his whole body inside the transfer capsule thingie! I heard somebody once transported himself to Denver, but his arm wound up in San Antonio! Try to get your insurance to cover that! Plus, you have to be a nuclear physicist just to figure out what buttons to press and what levers to pull! Heaven forbid you press the green one before the red one, or you set the dial to “deep-fried” instead of “lightly toasted”! If you’re not careful, you could wind up on the top of Mount Everest! No sir, I think I’ll walk!”

And the same thing will happen to every one of you. So, when you watch the video below, feel free to laugh, but just remember, it’s your future too!