It's The Most Horrible Time Of The Year

So as you've probably noticed, it’s election season, which probably means that one of your fondest wishes right now is that you could invent a time machine and skip over it entirely.

Ah, election season, that magical time of the year when candidates for public office -- fighting the preconceived notion of politicians being underhanded, immoral, and devious megalomaniacs only in it for their own personal gain -- do their best through various forms of propaganda to convince potential voters not that they’re actually honest and pure-of-heart individuals who are in it for the greater good of the country, but rather that their opponent is even more underhanded, immoral, and devious than they are, leaving them as the only rational choice. This is known as the Lesser Of Two Evils approach.

Fun, right?

Anyway, over the course of the election season, candidates vying for the same seat typically spend their time releasing increasingly negative advertisements about each other, where the concept of truth quickly disappears:

“Jack Smith once voted to increase his own pay, even though it was part of a bill that funded boots for our soldiers, since they were getting sick and tired of driving tanks barefoot. But still, Jack Smith voted to increase his own pay! Is that the kind of leadership we want in Washington? This ad is paid for by Mike Brown for Congress.”

“Mike Brown was employed for a corporation that was accused of corruption and bribery forty years ago, before Mike Brown even worked there, but we’re pretty sure there’s a connection there somewhere, mainly because when Mike Brown smiles, it looks pretty darn suspicious. Is that the kind of leadership we want in Washington? This ad is paid for by Jack Smith for Congress.”

“Oh yeah? Jack Smith once saw an old lady being mugged on the street and turned his back on her! Is that the kind of leadership we want in Washington? This ad is paid for by Mike Brown for Congress.”

“That's nothing! Mike Brown once MUGGED an old lady on the street. And then kicked a cat! Is that the kind of leadership we want in Washington? This ad is paid for by Jack Smith for Congress.”

"So that’s how it’s going to be, huh? Fine! Jack Smith once mugged an old lady on the street, robbed a convenience store, hotwired a car, and led the police on a forty mile chase. Then he kicked three cats! Is that the kind of leadership we want in Washington? This ad is paid for by Mike Brown for Congress.”

“That’s nothing! Mike Brown once mugged an old lady on the street, robbed a convenience store, hotwired a car, and led the police on a forty mile chase, with an EXPIRED driver’s license! Then he burned down an animal shelter! Is that the kind of leadership we want in Washington? This ad is paid for by Jack Smith for Congress.”

This exercise in creative writing goes on and on until both candidates are essentially accusing the other of being Darth Vader and masterminding a secret, villainous organization whose only goal -- besides mugging old ladies on the street -- is total world domination, accomplished almost solely by taking away government assistance from the elderly.

Needless to say, by the end of the campaign season most people hate both candidates equally, and would gladly vote for anybody else, including a well-groomed chimpanzee or a somewhat interesting rock, just as long as they promised to pass a low to make campaign advertising illegal.

Now, with all of that being said, this is still the system that we’re stuck with, and that means that we as voters have take the high road and do what’s expected of us, which is to ignore all of the advertisements as best we can and just hope to make it through November 6^th without going insane.

At least that’s my plan.

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