The Self Portrait

One thing that I’ve been trying to work on lately is enjoying the moment more.

For example, when I’m hiking and finally reach my destination, in the past I’d typically grunt, nod approvingly, maybe snap a picture or two, and then return the way I came, a string of actions that together take up about 14.5 seconds, depending on the length and heartiness of the grunt.

Now, however, if faced with that situation, my goal is to try to take some additional time to appreciate the moment, perhaps stretching things out to maybe 20 seconds or so. (Walk before you run, right?)

So, when I recently found myself at a state park overlook in southern Minnesota on a beautiful fall day, I decided to take the time to try and actually enjoy my being there. However, I quickly found out that I’m not very good at that sort of thing, and after hanging out for a bit, I got bored, and soon after the idea of a self-portrait popped into my mind.

Now, there are precious few pictures of me that exist ever since my graduation from high school. Call it my lost decade or so. This is mainly because like most guys, I hate posing for pictures. It’s awkward and unnatural, and plus sometimes I have boogers, and I’d rather not have that fact documented where it will last up until the end of time. My thinking is that if any pictures of me are to be taken, they need to be the result of something that happens naturally, and not something where I have to hold still for what feels like an eternity and yell, “Cheese!”

You’re probably now asking, why was I even thinking about a self-portrait at the state park, since it would obviously be posed, going against everything that I believe in and just expressed so eloquently in the previous paragraph? Well, as I already alluded to, I was having a hard time appreciating the moment and needed something to do. Also, I remembered that my friend Tom has never met a self-portrait that he hasn’t liked, and I figured it was high time for me to break out of my shell a bit. Plus, I determined that at least one picture of me should probably exist between the ages of 20 and 40, just for posterity.

The key to a guy self-portrait, at least in my mind, is for the subject to look introspective, yet still rugged and capable. If not, then there’s no point in even taking it. However, to do it right, it can’t have the feel of a posed self-portrait. Instead, it needs to look like somebody stumbled upon the subject during one of his rare reflective moments and quickly snapped a picture before said subject could object to it.

Here are a couple of suggestions for trying to accomplish this feat:

1.) The subject, which is, of course, yourself, is outside. Being outside adds to the competent guy aura. It’s hard to look introspective, yet still rugged and capable, while sitting in a recliner with the sports section and a Mountain Dew, unless, perhaps, the recliner is located in the forest.

2.) The subject is not looking into the camera, but is instead gazing off intently into the distance, with a hint of a frown on his face. This conveys the notion that the guy is deep in important thought, thinking manly things, such as:

“When was the last time I killed a bear?”

“Perhaps I’ll build a log cabin using nothing but my own two hands and several primitive tools.”

“Either I dig the well or rebuild the engine tonight, but not both. I need time to read several volumes of philosophy.”

3.) The subject is wearing dusty boots. This gives the impression that he is a down-to-earth and capable kind of guy who enjoys getting his hands dirty. It’s kind of like having the subject surrounded by jacks and wrenches and hammers and tow straps, but in a much more subtle manner.

4.) The subject is scruffy. Nothing adds to the competent guy factor like some good scruff. It just screams out, “Yes, I’ve been too busy to shave, which should be obvious since I’m wearing dusty boots and gazing off into the distance, but even so, I still find a way to make it all work.” However, not everybody can grow good scruff. Photoshop can help with that after the fact.

5.) The subject is wearing a winter hat. I don’t know why, but you can never go wrong with a winter hat, unless, of course, it’s the kind that Elmer Fudd wears. Then it takes a special kind of person to pull it off.

Anyway, back to the state park, where, with all of these factors in mind, I figured out the self-timer on my camera and went to work. Here’s the final result, along with several helpful notes:

Not bad, eh? Looking at it, who’d ever think that I’m a software developer? I’ll admit that it’s pretty deceptive, but a more accurate representation, such as a picture of me sleeping in my cubicle, just wouldn’t deliver the same emotional punch.

My only regret is that I wish I had a bearskin coat that I could have worn. But then again, maybe that would have been pushing the boundaries of believability a bit too far.

Well, I suppose I’d better get to working on that cabin now. I’ll probably need jacks and wrenches and hammers and tow straps.