The Upcoming Zombie Uprising (Seriously)

Sometimes when you’re driving home on Saturday night (or Sunday morning, as the case may be), after a good session of socializing, it can feel a little melancholy, as you realize that the upcoming week of stress and maturity is almost upon you.

However, I’ve found that a good remedy for this is to listen to unintentionally hilarious radio. My suggestion is Coast to Coast AM, where they deal with such hard-hitting topics as alien abductions, the fourth, fifth, and sixth dimensions, and, my new personal favorite, the upcoming zombie uprising.

Yup, apparently the rise of the undead is imminent. I just heard it this weekend, which was news to me. (I missed the beginning, so I don’t know when this will be. Hopefully not until after the Stanley Cup Playoffs.) But, not to worry, Coast to Coast AM had it covered from all angles. One topic they discussed was, and I’m smirking as I write this, The International Response To The Upcoming Zombie Uprising. Yes, they were actually mixing politics with zombies! It was fantastic! For example, they basically said that superpower countries would bomb the crap out of countries that annoy them, using the excuse that they were taking out zombies! Isn’t it great!?

There was also a brief discussion of our own security in this country. One of the very serious sounding commentators mentioned that it wouldn’t be that hard to build a tall fence along the border, which would allow for easy head shots of zombies, but then he added, in a very ominous voice, “but what about those who are already inside?”

From what I could gather, all of their knowledge on zombies came from zombie movies. They spend quite some time discussing one movie in particular, I don’t remember which one, and began to break it down in a very in-depth manner, including what we could learn from it, as if it had been a real-life documentary. I kept waiting for one of the announcers to start laughing and then reveal that it was all a big joke, but it never happened. They just kept talking very seriously.

By the time I got home, I kind of wanted to drive around for a while longer just to see what would come next. However, I was tired, so I reluctantly turned it off. Still, there’s always next week!

I will conclude with the following, which you can take any way you’d like: According to the Coast to Coast AM Wiki, the show attracts an estimated 4.5 million listeners every night, making it the most listened to late night show in North America.

Huh. Maybe I should really start thinking about zombies a little more seriously.