Workplace Cliche Man

I was leaving work the other day, feeling particularly cheerful at having again fooled society into thinking I was a productive member of society, and as I navigated the parking lot, I saw one of my coworkers heading towards the building, despite the lateness of the afternoon, obviously having just returned from somewhere, perhaps an offsite meeting. As we passed each other, I said, “Shouldn’t you be heading the other way?”

Feeling happy with this clever little witticism, I got into my car and headed home.

Not long after, I began to wonder: Had I turned into one of them?

You see, I’ve never been a fan of workplace clichés and small-talk. For example, at a previous job I had to frequently take an elevator, where I quickly realized that people felt the need to chatter inanely in order to alleviate the awkwardness of being in such close proximity of one another. This left me at the mercy of such clever banter as:

“Well, how about the weather this morning!  Cold enough for you?”
“Well, I’d rather be out there than in here going to work!”
“HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!”
“Too bad this thing wasn’t going down instead of coming up!”
“At least it’s almost Friday!”
“HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!”

This trivial repartee has always annoyed me. I’d much rather listen to complete silence as opposed to awkward conversation for no reason other than to avoid complete silence. I mean, I’m comfortable not acknowledging anybody else’s existence in an elevator, so why isn’t everybody else?!

But now I’d just said, “Shouldn’t you be heading the other way?” It seemed fairly amusing to me as it tumbled out of my lips, but really, how far of a cry was it from, “Too bad this thing wasn’t going down instead of coming up”?

Not good.

So perhaps I’ve turned into Workplace Small-Talk Cliché Man, whose superpower is having the ability to converse easily with anybody in the company about things of little to no importance. My specialties might include discussions of the 10-day weather forecast, my longing to be anywhere but at work, and (shudder) each other's weekend plans.

Not good at all.

Hopefully, this was all an aberration, and the next time I’m faced with a similar situation, I’ll ignore my coworker and pretend like he isn't there.

Until that time, however, I’m going to be scared, not knowing if I’ve turned into something that I never dreamed was possible.

I guess all I can do is hope.

And what are you doing this weekend?

Uh-oh.