Ominous clouds are gathering on the horizon, choking out the sun, and turning the world a sickly shade of grey. A cold breeze is snapping through the trees, whistling eerily through narrow alleyways, and causing wind chimes to play a haunting tune in a foreboding key. Streets and sidewalks are empty. All that can be heard at the playgrounds is the creak of the swings, pushed not by children, but by the wind.
A storm is rolling in. It will soon be here.
Yup, it’s almost time to go clothes shopping again, an event that will surely make my life metaphorically cold and wet. I shudder just to think about it. I’d almost rather have my entire current wardrobe disintegrate with age and then turn to wearing a barrel than buying new clothes.
I believe the last piece of clothing I purchased was a shirt at a Blackhawk concert. Before that, I believe it was a shirt at a Brooks & Dunn concert. I kid you not. However, I’m getting a little long in the tooth to wear concert t-shirts without looking like I’m going through some sort of mid-life crisis.
That means that I will eventually have to saddle up and brave a trip to some type of retail outlet that sells clothing. I usually can shop for clothing for about forty-five minutes at a time, twice a year, but that’s pushing it. This means that I have to be incredibly efficient when I go, or risk having a terrible wardrobe that will haunt me for months on end.
So far, I’ve gone with the terrible wardrobe option, and I don’t see how that’s going to change in the future. I guess that’s the price you pay for limiting yourself to one dressing room excursion per shopping outing.
They should make a clothing store that is empty except for one rack of jeans, one rack of solid-colored shirts, long and short-sleeved, and a selection of no more than two styles of generic hoodies. Then you would not be confused by a seemingly endless array of choices. There could be specials once a year where shorts, khakis, button-downs, and polos are sold. Heck, it could even have a drive-through, where you just order off of the menu like at a typical fast-food restaurant. (“I’ll take the Business Casual Combo please. You’d better super-size it. I hate to admit it, but I’m still carrying a little holiday weight.”)
I would go to that store.
But that’s just a pipe-dream, because I’m too lazy to be an entrepreneur and start one of them up, which means that I’m left with no option but to show up at Kohl’s one Saturday morning, hoping that a mad dash through the men’s section will net me something that is actually wearable.
Shudder. Anything besides clothes shopping sounds infinitely more fun than clothes shopping itself. Especially writing overly-dramatic introductions to blog postings.
“It was a dark and stormy night…..”
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