Failing The Subway Challenge

Today I lost the Subway Challenge. And it wasn’t your run-of-the-mill loss, either, it was a spectacular loss.

To me, the Subway Challenge is being able to get through the line in a reasonable amount of time. That’s why you always have to gauge the length of the line before you commit, or you could get trapped in it for what seems like hours, shuffling along slowly while somebody in front of you is making what is apparently a life-or-death decision on their vegetables of choice, based solely on the absurd amount of time it is taking.

I decided to stop at Subway today after basketball was finished for the simple reason that if I open my fridge or cupboards I see nothing more than the occasional tumbleweed or two rolling by. However, this meant that I would have to stand in line while I was sweaty and smelly. Still, I figured it would be worth it, because I didn’t want to go home, shower, and then come back.

This was, of course, contingent on the length of the line. Luckily for me, or so I thought, there turned out to be only one customer being helped, so I committed, figuring it would be an easy win and I’d be out in a jiffy, with hopefully nobody the wiser about my current cleanliness issues.

Unfortunately, I did not notice that the lady in front of me had a list. (I hate when they have lists! Call ahead people!) Of course, she was ordering four subs and had just barely begun. (Luckily, she seemed to be able to read her own writing. Sometimes the Multiple Sub Orderer will have to waste even more time trying to decipher their own chicken scratch.) I debated leaving right then and there, but I decided to tough it out, since I was already in line. Plus, nobody seemed to notice that I was currently stinking rather righteously.

About thirty seconds later the door opened and about eight-hundred people entered. Now I was trapped with a large amount of people who probably weren’t very fond of B.O. But, I was committed to staying there, because I can be incredibly stubborn. That meant that everybody behind me would soon wonder what the foul odor was, and I was sure they would eventually figure it out. I made a mental note not to raise my arms.

Needless to say, I failed the challenge. It took much too long to get through the line. Plus, I am probably now known to everybody there as the Stinky Guy.

But I guess, as the saying goes, you win some and you lose some.

But still, if you’re going to lose, you should bring along deodorant. It never hurts.

Something To Look Forward To

At least I have something to look forward to.

During my trip to Arizona, we ended up eating out for breakfast on numerous occasions. (It’s vacation! Cold Pop Tarts weren’t going to cut it anymore!) During this time I noticed several things that each of the restaurants had in common:

• The customer base was made up almost entirely of old men.
• These old men sat around, argued, drank coffee, read the paper, and generally acted like they had absolutely nothing going on that could conceivably make them leave their booth or stool at any point during the current presidential administration.
• The old men flirted shamelessly with every single waitress.
• The old men said anything they wanted to, regardless of how outrageously offensive it was.

Now, there’s a lesson to be learned here, and it is this: Sure, getting old won’t be a picnic, but you have to take advantage of the hand you’re dealt. That’s what these guys were doing.

First, when you’re old, you get to hang out in cafes all the time, since you're retired and you’re wife probably would rather have you there than messing up her clean house or complaining about the price of a gallon of gas.

Also, when you’re an old man, you’re allowed to flirt shamelessly with waitresses. Try it when you’re forty or fifty and you’re creepy. Do it when you’re eighty and it’s okay. It’s sort of like a benefit you’re afforded simply for making it that far.

The same logic applies to old men being able to say just about whatever they want. They can cuss and spit and say inappropriate things and people just laugh and politely cover their children’s ears. Who’s to tell them no? They lived through the depression! It takes them a half-hour to get out of bed! They can do whatever they want!

When you’re old, you’re also allowed to eat anything you want, such as bacon covered cinnamon buns, lightly garnished with ground up bacon, all floating in a shimmering pool of maple syrup. The logic there is, heck, if you’ve made it this far, you may as well enjoy things from here on out! That means no more broccoli! Heck, no more anything green! Not to mention that anything low-fat can kiss your wrinkly behind!

So, with all of that being said, am I looking forward to being an old geezer? Not particularly. But when I get there, I plan to be like these guys. At least, that is, if I can remember all of this. We'll just have to see how the ol' memory will be doing....

Choice Pictures - Arizona - Lost Dutchman State Park

What I like about taking pictures is that they don't have to tell the whole story. This scene looks peaceful and serene. However, here's what really was happening:

1. It is early in the morning and I am stumbling down the paved road, dirty and unshaven, trying to get a picture. I could probably be mistaken for a hobo.
2. To the left of the picture the road I was standing on loops back around, but luckily the scenery hides it from view.
3. To the right of the picture is a giant campground with approximately 800 campers and RVs, all squatting about in various ugly manners, cluttering up the morning skyline.
4. There is a park ranger driving around, checking to make sure everybody's vehicle is registered. I'm surprised he didn't stop to make sure I wasn't some homeless man looking for a free handout.

But as long as you find the right spot, you're good to go!

Choice Pictures - Arizona - Apache Trail

The Apache Trail is a scenic drive just east of the Phoenix area. Unfortunately, as we began the drive, we saw a sign that stated that the road was washed out 14 miles ahead. Still, we decided to proceed for a while, anyway.

As it turns out, the partial drive was well worth it, as the scenery was excellent. And, as was now becoming typical on this trip, the skies were clouding over and it looked like rain. Again. Knock me over with a feather.

Things got interesting near the 14 mile mark, just before we would have to turn back, when we saw a sign indicating a hiking trailhead off of a side road. Since we were going to have to turn around soon, we decided to get in some hiking first, so we didn't spend all day in the car arguing over radio stations. We took the winding dirt road several miles up into the Superstition Wilderness. That was where we saw the truck, which had at some point slid off of the road.

As it turns out, there was nobody in the truck. The driver had used tape to leave three giant letters on his windshield as a note. The letters were 'IOK'. Using our college-honed deductive skills, we decided that the driver must be OK, although not gramatically correct, and we continued on to the trailhead.

We ended up hiking for about an hour before we decided to turn back. The scenery, though, had been worth it.

I don't consider myself a good photographer. I know just enough to point and shoot. To me, it's mostly about being in the right place at the right time, and then hoping that you have batteries in your camera. Case in point:

That is nothing more than good timing.

The rain came, and we made it back to the car just in time. The drive to the trailhead had been uphill on a narrow, windy, dirt road, and getting stuck there in a rainstorm didn't seem like a great idea. So, we made our way out just as the rain began to come down harder.

Three days of vacation. Three days of precipitation. Still, I didn't consider it unlucky. It made it interesting. Who needs pictures of blue skies, anyway?

Choice Pictures - Arizona - Chiricahua National Monument

The Chiricahua National Monument, also in the southeastern part of the state, was our second hiking outing on the trip. The first had almost been rained out, and this one would have also, except it got cold enough that the rain turned into snow.

We found this amusing, since it was Arizona, but we figured it would keep the trail virtually free of other hikers, so we put on our rain gear and were on our way.

I'm glad that it snowed. I like snow pictures, and the weather also gave us a bonus fog, which added another dimension.

At one point, Jeff and I had the following exchange:
Me: Snow-izona!
Jeff: More like Ari-snowa!
The entire trip did not get much more sophisticated than that, by the way.

Eventually the trail led to a valley filled with some very interesting rock formations. The fog helped to give it a more mysterious vibe, although rock formations can only be so mysterious.

As we circled the valley, I noticed some of the rock formations along the trail had icicles hanging on them. This triggered a desperate need in me to take a picture that somehow included the icicles. At each rock formation we passed, I would hem and haw for a while, trying to decide if I could get anything to work. Jeff quickly left me behind, but eventually I got a shot that I liked

Soon we started back down the trail. By this point it was growing warmer and the fog had lifted, which made the trip back enjoyable, as all of the views were much clearer. ("There was another mountain back there? Huh!") Not wanting to waste the snow, I had to stop to make a quick snowman.

The snowman was about a foot tall, and right in the middle of the trail. I hoped that any hikers following us would enjoy it, although I'm sure it probably got punted into the trees by some surely teenager. Stupid teenagers.

At this point it had been two days in Arizona, and nothing but rain and snow. But it was still fun, and I didn't go there to get a tan.

Choice Pictures - Arizona - Cochise Stronghold

Our first day of exploring in Arizona took us into Cochise Stronghold, which is located in the southeastern portion of the state. I took this picture as we drove in:

The hiking there was good, but we got a late start and had to turn around before we would have liked. It was also getting cloudy, and it rained a few drops as we were returning to the car. Luckily, we managed to get out just in time, as a storm then quickly descended. I took the next picture after we looked back on our way out and saw how interesting things had become:

Welcome to Arizona!

Special Delivery?

We were hiking at the Chiricahua National Monument in southeastern Arizona. We had just about finished and were within a mile of the car. As we trudged along I saw somebody walking down the trail towards us. At first I thought it was a park ranger, based on the brown uniform. However, as she passed, I realized that she was actually a UPS driver.

She had a walking stick with her and nothing else. After she had passed, we tried to determine why a UPS driver was walking on a hiking trail. The most likely answer was that she was taking a quick walk on her lunch break. Still, to make things fun, I wondered if she was making some sort of delivery. Jeff then suggested that she may have been delivering the walking stick to the forest, and we had a good chuckle.

We returned to the parking lot and I looked around and located the UPS truck. To my surprise it was running, and the flashing orange lights in the front were on. For all intents and purposes, it sure looked like how you would leave the truck if you were making a delivery. This was indeed puzzling. Why would you go for a walk in the woods and leave your truck running?

We went about our business and after we had warmed up in the ranger station, as it had been snowing (yes, snowing!), we were getting ready to leave. At that moment I saw the UPS delivery woman walk past. Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to see if she still had her walking stick, which would have solved the mystery. If she still possessed it, she clearly had to have been out walking for pleasure, although why she would have left the truck running is still beyond me. If she didn’t have it, she clearly must have delivered it to the forest, which would have made her hike business related.

But now we’ll never know what exactly happened. Of course, that makes the story better, as sometimes a mystery is better if it is never solved.

Still, I can’t help but wonder one thing: If she was delivering the walking stick to the forest, who would sign for it?

Spooky.

....Jiggity Jig

I just spent the last ten days in Arizona, and it wasn't how I envisioned it to be. For example, there was an abundance of clouds and rain, not to mention the fact that I got to hike in a minor snowstorm. However, this made it quite interesting and more fun than if it was seventy degrees and sunny the whole time. So, all in all, I'd call it a success. I'll most likely post a couple of interesting anecdotes and pictures soon.

What I like about vacations is that you completely detach yourself from the real world. Nearly everything you think about on a daily basis evaporates and you are left operating on an entirely different, and much simpler, plane. For example, in my case, there was virtually no internet and email, and it was kind of nice to be away from it. There were no thoughts of work. I didn't listen to the news. Basically, you jump off of the world for a while, and just let it spin all on its own. Your responsibilities and worries are temporarily shelved and you get to just take a step back and simply enjoy life. It's very liberating, and probably quite healthy.

But now its back to the real world. For example: laundry.

Oh well. It was good while it lasted.

Reading Tip Of The Day

Reading Tip Of The Day: Don’t read the plot synopsis for a book if you already know you’re going to read it.

I’m amazed, and a little embarrassed, that it took me this long to figure this out. Reading the plot synopsis for a book gives away the general storyline, so you already know what you’re getting into before you start. However, if you ignore it, you have absolutely no idea what to expect, which makes reading the book much more interesting.

For example, a typical plot synopsis will include something like: “Special Agent Brock Granite thought it was going to be his day off. But when his partner is murdered, that all changed. He begins an investigation which uncovers layers of corruption and intrigue at the higest levels of the government, and soon he finds himself in a deadly race against time where he must use all of wits to disarm fifty bombs in fifty minutes, all while trying to determine where the allegiances of the mysterious but seductive Special Agent Penelope Hourglass lie.”

If you were to read this book, were it ever written, and I think it should be, you would already know the key plot points by reading the synopsis. For example, when Brock's partner is introduced, you’d already know it was only a matter of time before he was taking a dirt nap.

In fact, I just read a book where a secondary character was sent alone on an assignment, and I was pretty sure he was going to bite it in order to advance the plot. Still, since I didn’t read the synopsis, I didn’t know for sure until it actually happened. Then, when I read the synopsis after I’d finished the book, sure enough, it was revealed that he died. Personally, I found it much more entertaining having it revealed as the story unfolded.

And you thought this blog was nothing but frivolous nonsense!

Sorry. I’ll get back to that soon enough.