The Fall Of 'Epic'

It seems that we’re losing the word ‘epic’ the same as we lost ‘unbelievable’.

I really don’t know when we lost ‘unbelievable’, but I'm quite certain that it had to do with broadcasters overusing it during sporting events. Sometime along the way, any play slightly above average began being referred to as ‘unbelievable’, to the point where the word has now lost all of its meaning:

“A routine ground ball to second base! Unbelievable!”

“He’s got a clear path to the basket and gently lays it in! Unbelievable!”

“He runs a slant and gains five yards! Unbelievable!”

If anything, the overuse of the word ‘unbelievable’ makes the players seem horribly incompetent, like it’s miracle they can even execute an average play as opposed to just falling over and mumbling incoherently.

And now the same thing is happening to ‘epic’, whose dictionary definition is as follows:

1. noting or pertaining to a long poetic composition, usually centered upon a hero, in which a series of great achievements or events is narrated in elevated style
2. heroic; majestic; impressively great
3. of unusually great size or extent

So, based on these definitions, your meal was not ‘epic’, no matter how many times you posted pictures of it on Facebook. For a meal to be epic, it would have to last for several days and consist of multiple courses that included various hot peppers that would kill a normal person.

A baseball game that goes ten innings is not ‘epic’. Get back to me when you get over twenty-five.

The concert you went to was not ‘epic’. Maybe it would be in the running if it lasted for a full day and consisted of a dozen headlining acts, none of whom got arrested or had a temper tantrum and stomped off of the stage so they could then complain viaTwitter about how they don't get any respect.

‘Epic’ should be used sparingly, only in cases when it’s clearly deserved.

The move Braveheart is epic.
The 1980 Olympic U.S. hockey team win over the Soviet Union was epic.
Man landing on the moon was epic.

Think of it this way, what word do we have that’s grander than ‘epic’? What word is the next step up from it? What are we going to say when something truly epic happens? We’ll no longer be able to use ‘epic’ to describe it, because it's been so diluted that it won’t truly capture the magnitude of the event. What does that leave us with? ‘Super-epic’? ‘Epic Squared’? ‘Epic Cubed’? Ugh.

Unfortunately, I think that we’re already past the point of being able to save ‘epic’. Our only hope is to come up with a brand new word to take its rightful place, one that isn’t terrible, like my above suggestions.

Any ideas?