ATM Bliss

You may not be as impressed as me, as I’m quite easily amused, but when I discovered that my bank now has ATMs that allow you to deposit your checks directly into them, I got pretty excited. As I mentioned in a previous post, I hate interacting with tellers at my bank when cashing or depositing a check, because they’re paid to be overly-cheery, all in a thinly veiled attempt to convince me to open up eight-thousand new accounts, all of with have small service charges. In fact, I used to pool up my checks for many weeks before bringing them in, not because I was lazy, but because I wanted to minimize my teller interaction.

Now, however, the game’s changed with the new ATM deposit functionality. Recently, I dropped by my favorite ATM vestibule with two checks. My hands were shaking so much that I could barely slide my card into the slot, and I had to work hard to control my breathing to keep from hyperventilating with excitement. I managed to choose the check deposit option, stacked my checks, and fed them in. They were immediately sucked up and processed. Within a few seconds, they had been scanned in and displayed up on the screen for me to see, along with a total dollar amount confirmation. I hit ‘OK’, and my deposit was done.

No long lines. No talking about the weather or my weekend plans with an annoying teller while simultaneously convincing myself that strangling them wasn’t my best option. (Satisfying, yes, smart, no.) Needless to say, I was pretty happy, and if I could do heel-clickers, I would have performed one right there in the vestibule. (That’d be some good ATM camera archive footage, by the way.)

As happy as I am, however, I’m not going to let my guard down. In the world of technology, things usually start off user-friendly and easy to use, but are then completely ruined in an attempt to maximize profits. In fact, I fully expect my ATM to soon start cheerily asking me if I’d like to open a new account or get a home loan. (“If you’d like your check card back, please select the home loan with the 150% interest rate.”) Call me a cynic, but I prefer to think of myself as a realist. Still, in the meanwhile, I’ll make sure to enjoy the small window of useful functionality before it is ruined.

So feel free to write me a check. Nothing would make me happier than depositing it.