Inspiration Through Coughing

Have you ever been inspired by the wrapper of a cough drop? Me neither. But that doesn’t mean they’re not trying.

Let me explain.

A short while ago I developed a cough. (For those of you craving details, it was more than a simple scratchy throat, but not so bad that it blew you off of your chair if you weren’t paying attention.) So I bought a package of cough drops to allow me to make it through a day at work without sounding like I was attempting to expel a bowling ball from my lungs.

Later on, I examined the wrapper of one of the cough drops, where I saw that there were little sayings printed all over it. Upon closer inspection, I realized that they were motivational phrases, such as the following:

“Don’t give up on yourself”
“Don’t wait to get started”
“Get through it”
“Don’t waste a precious minute”
“Take charge and mean it”
“Power through”

This led me to immediately wonder what the cough drop manufacturer’s game plan was. Perhaps they envisioned a scenario such as the following:

Begin scene.

It’s a dark, gloomy room that smells like NyQuil. All of the curtains are drawn. On a nearby couch, surrounded by stacks of used tissues, appears at first to be a giant mound of blankets. However, it soon becomes apparent that there is a person somewhere within, as evidenced by the mound’s rattling cough.

Soon, the head of a person appears from under the blankets. Their eyes are half-open and unfocused, and their hair is frizzy and unwashed. They are wearing pajamas, although the shirt is on backwards, and they move with the same approximate speed and quickness as a glacier. In short, they look terrible.

The person reaches out to the end table and unwraps a cough drop with fumbling hands. With great effort, they pop it into their mouth. They then collapse, completely exhausted by the tremendous effort. However, the wrapper remains clutched in their hand, and their eyes stray down to it, where they then read the following phrase:

“You’ve survived tougher.”

After a moment’s hesitation, their eyes widen a little, as they realize that they have, indeed, survived tougher. They are then suddenly hit with an unexpected jolt of energy. Suddenly craving more motivational phrases, they keep on reading.

“Don’t wait to get started.”

They don’t know exactly what they are supposed to be starting, but it sure beats lying on the couch like roadkill! They keep on reading, faster now, a maniacal grin slowly forming on their face.

“Let’s hear your battle cry.”

They violently throw the blankets off and lurch up to their feet, howling like a dog whose tail has just been stepped on. They beat on their chest King-Kong style for a moment before charging out of the house, now sufficiently motivated and ready to take on the world.

“And it’s all because of the cough drop wrapper!!” they yell, their arms outstretched in sheer jubilation. “What a wonderful idea! I shall tell all of my friends and help to increase the sales of cough drops dramatically!!”

End scene.

Sorry, but I just don’t see this happening. (In my version, I see the sick person making it outside but then having to throw up in the bushes next to the flower bed instead of promoting cough drops to the world.) Yet, somehow, somewhere, somebody in a big office was pitched this, and they said “Yeah, that’s a good idea,” and thus, motivational cough drop wrappers were born.

Maybe I’m a born pessimist, but I’m skeptical that these sayings will help to sell a single extra cough drop. I mean, I just can’t imagine anybody ever thinking the following: “I don’t really need cough drops, but I do kind of want to see what’s written on the wrapper.”

To be fair, perhaps I’m missing the point of this all. Perhaps there’s more to marketing than coming up with a silly idea because you’re desperate and have nothing else to offer and then selling it to some corporate bigwig who only agrees to it so they can leave the meeting and get in a quick round of golf. Perhaps this campaign will have long term ramifications in terms of adjusting consumer spending habits, resulting in an explosion of growth in the cough drop industry.

Heck, I’m even promoting the cough drop industry myself simply by making fun of it. Maybe I’m playing right into their hands.

No matter how it all shakes out, though, I must say that I’ve learned an important lesson, and it is as follows: You have to take charge and mean it, without wasting a precious minute, and power through all obstacles, because not giving up on yourself is even more important then not waiting to get started.

Now let’s hear your battle cry.