Thoughts From An Introvert

On many occasions in the past I’ve referred to myself as a “reserved Finlander,” which has not only been my way of honoring my ancestry, but also to explain why my blood composition is, at this point, roughly 50 percent coffee, and also why I do my best to never draw undue attention upon myself.

In general, Finns are known for their caution, reserve, and silence. (In fact, calling myself a “reserved” Finlander is probably redundant.) This Finn stereotype is very well-known, to the point where you can find quite a few good jokes about it on the internet:

You know you’ve been in Finland too long when “No comment” becomes a conversation strategy.

Two Finns, the best of friends, were taking a sauna. The first Finn asks the second how he is. An hour later, during which time neither Finn has spoken, the second replies: "Are we here to babble or to take a sauna?"

And my personnel favorite…

Did you hear about the Finnish husband who loved his wife so much that he almost told her?

Like the subjects of these jokes, I too am cautious, reserved, and silent, and until recently I’d never really thought that much about it beyond the fact that is was simply my heritage showing through. However, I've now only realized that this places me – along with the stereotypical Finn – into the category of a Grade A introvert.

I’d never really pondered the topic of introverts vs. extraverts before, but when I finally did, I soon found this: “Introverted people make their own energy and, rather than taking it from others, give it on social contact. This means that they naturally find most interaction exhausting and need time to recharge.”

As I read this my eyes got wide, and I started to point frantically at the screen and hoot in an unintelligible manner. It explained a lot of things, especially my not wanting to talk to, or make eye contact with, anybody ever, along with my nearly-overwhelming desire to never leave the house unless it’s actively on fire.

But that wasn’t all. It explained a whole lot more, including, but not limited to, the following:

1.) Sometimes on a Saturday, it’ll be around 8:00 pm and I’ll realize that I haven’t talked out loud since sometime on Friday. At this point, realizing that it’s been a near-perfect day, I’ll execute an enthusiastic fist pump and yell, “Yes!!” (Except since I haven’t talked all day, it will sound more like, “Ythhhhh!”)

2.) Not that I don’t like people, mind you. Sure, I may ignore them for the most part, especially those I’m not great friends with, but it’s just that introverts are terrible at small talk, and sometimes it’s easier to say nothing at all than it is to try to come up with something that doesn’t sound completely ridiculous. (“Um… so… are those shoes comfortable?”)

3.) While I don’t go out of my way to insert myself into large crowds, I don’t really mind them, just as long as nobody is paying attention to me. However, if I were ever to be at a baseball game and the cameras panning the crowd suddenly projected my face up onto the big screen, I’m pretty sure my immediate reaction would be to go into the fetal position and whimper for several hours. (Much like what happens when I’m up to bat while playing softball and I notice that the entire other team is looking directly at me from their defensive positions.)

4.) If it were up to me, spotlights would be banned.

5.) While at a large social gathering, I generally find myself annoyed by whoever had taken up the mantle of Life Of The Party. From a dark corner I’ll be thinking, “Who does he think he is, being entertaining and generally making this an enjoyable experience for everybody involved??!!”

6.) During said large social gathering, as I hide in a dark corner and get more and more annoyed, I tend to take on the characteristics of a statue, although usually a bit less animated. However, the smaller the crowd is at a given social gathering, the more interactive I get, to the point where if it's ever made up of only a handful of people, I actually become quite rambunctious. (Side note: “rambunctious” is now one of my favorite words.)

7.) Also, when I’m by myself I’m basically the most fun person on the face of the earth, although you’re just going to have to trust me on that one.

8.) In my opinion, if a social gathering has to consist of more than 4-6 people, the ideal place for it to occur would be in a building consisting of multiple small rooms, all of which hold only 4-6 people and preferably also have coffee brewing.

9.) I have no problems going on solo road trips. They’re quiet, incredibly relaxing, and there’s never any external demands on my schedule. Also, nobody will ever know if I eat an entire family-sized bag of peanut butter cups.

10.) A good day at work for me is one where nobody bugs me, and also where I don’t have to speak up during a meeting that has more than five attendees.

11.) Being on the receiving end of any amount of focused attention is bad, even if that attention is for something positive. For example, if I ever received a rousing round of applause for something, I’d most likely have no recourse but to create a distraction, possibly through the use of smoke bombs, and then run away.

12.) After I die, a best case scenario would be that I’d be buried in a nondescript location without any sort of tombstone. However, if that weren't possible, my second choice is to be buried somewhere that anybody wanting to visit me would have to first hike twenty miles over a snowcapped mountain peak, then ford several raging rivers, and finally climb over a barbed wire fence just to find my grave, at which point they’d see the following inscribed on my tombstone: “Mind Your Own Business.” (Which is also what I want the entirety of my obituary to read.)

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Overall, after some thought, I've decided that I don't really mind being an introvert. In fact, I like that I don’t ever have to be the center of attention, and also that it doesn’t take much for me to keep myself amused for extended periods of time. (“Hey, a book! My weekend is planned! And also possibly March!”) It keeps things pretty simple, and I’m a big believer in simple.

In closing, I'd like to offer my sincerest apologies to anybody I’ve ever ignored for what seemed to be no good reason at all. You probably thought that I was just being a jerk, but most likely I’d already expended too much energy on being social and was “charging my batteries.”

Now, with that being said, go away and leave me alone. I’m exhausted.

How true.