Excising "Like"

Recently, I bought a self-help book.

However, it’s not what you're thinking, assuming, of course, that you’re thinking it’s something along the lines of: Get Rock Hard Abs In Fifteen Minutes A Day While Sitting On The Couch Drinking Bottomless Chocolate Shakes And Eating Massive Quantities Of Buffalo Wings. (Unfortunately, that one was sold out.)

No, what I bought is titled: The Curmudgeon’s Guide To Getting Ahead. (Dos and Don’t of Right Behavior, Tough Thinking, Clear Writing, and Living a Good Life)

As far as I can tell, I bought it for two reasons:

• It has the word “curmudgeon” in it, which is one of my absolute favorite words, one that I simply can’t resist. (For example, if “The Bachelor” was renamed “The Curmudgeon,” I’d have to watch it.)
• It was being promoted by the author, Charles Murray, on the Jason Lewis Show, and it seemed like it might be an interesting read.

This book is directed at helping people who are just starting their careers out of college and have no idea what a corporate work environment is like. Now, those of you who know me will be quick to point out that “fresh out of college” is a term that hasn’t applied to me in several presidential administrations. However, in my defense, I haven’t really been paying much attention to my career as of ever, and in fact, a couple of times I’ve even misplaced it and had a heck of time just finding it again. So I figured it might be a useful read, or perhaps make a good shim if I ever have to level out a coffee table or something.

I haven’t gotten very far into it yet, but there is one section that I found very interesting. In it, the author says you should “excise the word like from your spoken English.” So you shouldn’t, like, use it for, like, no apparent reason in your, like, everyday speech, because your boss, who’s probably a curmudgeon, will think you’re, like, a moron.

And I agree. “Like” has been creeping into our collective vernacular for quite some time now. In fact, it’s gotten to the point where I just heard it being used in a (shudder) Luke Bryan country song, and it sounded absolutely terrible: (“She was like, oh my…”)

I mean, why wouldn’t you just use “and she said” instead of “she was like”?? What earthly reason is there to use “like” in that context? It's not even a shortcut, as it's the same amount of words as the grammatically superior alternative!! AARRRGHH!!!!!

(Another reason why I’m fond of the word “curmudgeon” is because I’m quickly turning into one.)

And so, based on a book and a terrible line in a song, I’ve decided to excise like from my spoken English.

It’s probably not going to be easy; I think I use it a lot without even realizing it. But still, it’s a good goal, and plus, I need something to do until that rock hard abs book gets off of back order.

Wish me, like, luck!