Keep Strummin’ - Introduction

So you want to learn to play guitar, do you?

Maybe you’ve noticed the lulls in the conversation during your summer camping trips that you think would sound good filled with a high-decibel rendition of “Take Me Home, Country Roads.” Or perhaps you finally want to fill that guitar-sized empty spot in the corner of your living room, so that when somebody drops by and sees it, they might say, “Do you play?” at which point you could then shrug and reply, “Oh, I dabble.” Or, assuming you’re a single man under the age of 30, maybe you’re hoping that as soon as you learn to strum a single chord, every girl within a fifty-mile radius will fall hopelessly in love with you and come knocking on your door, prepared to fling themselves at you with reckless abandon.

Regardless of your motivations, though, I can say definitively that you’ve come to the right place.

Or, at least that you’ve come to a place.

I mean, a place that’s won’t charge you any money or anything.

Anyway, unless I get bored and eventually give up on this project, what’s going to follow this introduction is a series of straight-to-the-point essays that will help get you up to speed on playing the guitar. These will be written by a “regular Joe” for a “regular Joe,” which means I won’t be getting into all of the technical jargon and music theory that makes most internet tutorials on the subject much too dense and virtually unusable. I do this out of respect for your time and sanity, not to mention the fact that I’ve yet to figure any of it out yet myself. (Circle of fifths, am I right?) Plus, if I’m being honest, you don’t really need any of that stuff anyway, unless, of course, you’re one of those people; you know, those snobby guitarists who like to show off by playing things such as (rolls eyes) melodies.

But ... before we go any further, here’s a little bit about myself:

I play the guitar at a level somewhere above that of a beginner and below that of an expert.

Okay, now that we’ve established my rock-solid credentials, I’d like to next share a few, overarching thoughts about learning to play the guitar that you should keep in mind as you set out on your journey:

1) Be Ready To Be Terrible

I know it might sound harsh, but it’s best not to sugarcoat it. In fact, a recent survey has revealed that 17.4% of all beginning guitarists give up in less than a month. Or, wait, is that the percent of New Year’s resolutions that last through February? Anyway, the point is that it takes a certain kind of person to be able to push through the beginner phase, where you’re going to be terrible. Now, don’t panic, that’s totally normal. It happens to everybody. Heck, it even happened to Jerry Reed! (Source: My assumptions)

In short, learning to play has a way of throwing your ego onto the ground, stepping on it, and grinding it into dust. It’s just the natural order of things. You might not believe it now, but you will after you attempt to play a few chords and each time the result sounds like you’ve just thrown a cat down a flight of steps.

2) Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

Don’t do it. Just don’t. You see, no matter where you go or who you play with, there is always going to be somebody better than you, probably one of those annoying “melody” people, and after listening to this person perform, you’re going to want to set your guitar, and possibly a few other things, on fire. The only real way to deal with it is to decide early on that you’re only going to compare yourself to … wait for it … yourself. Yes, as long as you’re doing better than you were a few months ago, then all is well and you can move forward with your head held high! (Side note: It’s when you’re continually getting worse month after month that you might need to have a hard conversation with yourself, which is something I’ll cover in the “Quitting With Dignity” essay, assuming I remember to write it.)

3) Find a Proper Practice Place

Having a good spot to learn to play is paramount. For example, a courthouse jury room would be a bad choice, as would a doctor’s office or my living room. In short, you want to be outside of the hearing range of any high-strung individuals with potential anger issues, as you never want to have to use your instrument as a means of self-defense should someone finally snap as you work through “Sweet Home Alabama” for the sixtieth time. Also, if your practice area is not located on a ground floor, make sure the windows all have locks. You see, one of the greatest temptations when you’re learning to play is to throw your instrument out of one of these said windows, so you can hear the satisfying sound of it breaking into a thousand pieces on the sidewalk below. Now, while this can be a fun little exercise, it can also be quite fiscally irresponsible, especially if it becomes a regular habit.

4.) Always Make Sure Your Lists End at 3

All right, that’s it for today! Next time we’ll get into how you should go about obtaining your first guitar! (Note that I didn’t say “buying,” as theft is most definitely on the table.)

Until next time,

Keep Strummin’!