The Things I Do For My Craft

Sometimes it seems like I’ve run out of things to write about. This feels especially true if nothing interesting has happened to me lately in the checkout line at the grocery store, where it seems that half of my entries originate. (Not that I’m embarrassed by the amount of time I spend in checkout lines. It’s just an observation.)

So, in order to keep my idea pool from drying up, I took it upon myself to do something drastic, something that would virtually guarantee me a never-ending supply of anecdotes and talking points for this blog.

I bought a house.

Well, a townhome, really, since lawnmowers hate me and always seem to want to attack me, which is why I decided to remove them from the equation completely. And don’t even get me started on hedge clippers. I still have nightmares.

Despite the lack of outdoor responsibilities, a townhome still holds a vast potential for interesting blog fodder, and here I’m thinking of do-it-yourself projects that will inevitably go horribly awry, much like what happens in the storylines of numerous Three Stooges shorts. For example, I plan to do some painting. That in itself should be a gold mine that translates into multiple entries, such as:

• How to chose from a near-infinite number of paint colors with snooty names like Golden Wheatfield Dancing In The Wind or Midnight Mulberry, when choosing a lunchmeat for a sandwich can sometimes take you upwards of a quarter hour.
• How to stock up on equipment at the nearest Home Depot, which costs almost as much as your mortgage but is much harder to haul to your car.
• Why accidentally backing up into a freshly painted wall is both a bad thing and slightly amusing.
• Questioning how paint got in the fridge, even though you were working on a bedroom on an entirely separate level.
• How to position furniture in a room to cover up all of the paint puddles that somehow found their way around and under the drop cloths.
• Determining how you managed to get paint on virtually every square inch of your skin, including your belly button.

And that’s just painting, which is a relatively harmless activity. Just think of when I get into plumbing! It’s going to be great! I’m thinking tidal waves here! I’ll probably have to invest in a pair of hip waders!

So, if you thought this blog was getting boring, you’d better prepare yourself. Things are just getting started!

Or maybe finished. For some reason, I can’t help but envision paint getting into the hard drive of my computer in the near future.

I guess we’ll just have to see what happens.