Gag Gifts

You can never really go wrong with joke Christmas gifts. Nothing shows somebody that you care quite like, for example, wrapping up a half-eaten bologna sandwich and giving it to them.

This year I received two gag gifts; a robotic fish and a Blobimal. (Just writing that sentence made me smile.)

The robotic fish is plastic with batteries. Once it’s placed in water, its tail automatically begins to flit about, propelling the fish along and creating the very realistic illusion to the untrained eye that some mad scientist has brought to life a plastic fish, one that can’t see and keeps repeatedly bumping into things.

Blobimals are a perfect example of how people will buy just about anything. They consist of a blob of a green, clay-like substance, along with several plastic monster parts, such as eyes, mouth, arms, and legs. The idea is to mold the blob into whatever shape you want and then attach the monster pieces to it. This leaves you with something that’s supposed to be a monster, but which instead resembles a booger with random body parts sticking out.

But it gets even better. Once a Blobimal is made, it slowly melts overnight, turning the monster into a deformed puddle of goo. My guess is that you’re supposed to laugh at the monster’s misery, which seems to me like an indictment of our society if entertainment can be derived in such a fashion. (Monsters have feelings too!) Anyway, after the monster melts, you can start all over again and build and melt it as many times as you’d like. (Unless, of course, it goes through the wash and ruins several pairs of pants, in which case the monster is probably in for something much worse than melting, courtesy of whoever’s in charge of doing the laundry.)

Needless to say, I really enjoyed receiving these items. The problem with joke Christmas gifts, however, is that once they’ve been opened and the laughter has died down, you’re usually left with something that’s unusable and just takes up space. In a best case scenario, you might be able to re-gift it the next year and start a cycle of the same present making its way through the family year after year. However, if it isn’t re-giftable, you basically have to store it for an appropriate amount of time, so as not to seem insensitive, and then throw it away.

This year, however, I’ve decided to get some real use out of my joke presents. Luckily, I received a small fish bowl along with my robot fish. Realizing that my living quarters could use some classing up, I flipped the batteries upside down so they continued to weigh down the fish without activating it, and now it hangs out in its little bowl on top of my fridge, always on duty and ready to chastise me for a lack of willpower if I’m rummaging around for a snack at 3:00 a.m.

“Do you really need another piece of cheesecake?”

As for my Blobimal, the instructions say to build a monster and take before and after pictures, and by golly, that’s just what I did. Perhaps this will turn into a whole series, or maybe this will be it, but either way, I now present to you Leprosy Monster, before and after!

 “Must….reach…arm…”

“You know, this is kinda comfortable. Maybe I’ll just stay here.”

Thanks to those who were responsible for my joke gifts! (You know who you are.) Because of you, I’m now one step closer to everybody thinking I’m crazy! Hooray!