Last Times

It’s often said that there’s a first time for everything, which means that there’s also a last.

Sometimes these last times can't happen soon enough, like your last day on a job you hate, or the last time you eat an awful school cafeteria lunch where you can't determine which food group each individual item belongs to. (Meat? Vegetable? Your guess is as good as mine!)

Some of them are accomplishment, like your last cigarette before you quit for good, or your last payment on a loan.

Some of them are stepping stones, like the last night you spend at your parents’ house before setting out on your own, your last college class before graduation, or your last day in a cramped apartment before moving into your first house.

Sometimes the fact that you’ve gotten to a particular last time is a sign of growing maturity, such as your final just-for-the-heck-of-it-all-nighter, or the last time you try to park in every available space in the Econo Foods parking lot in Houghton, just because either you or one of your friends thinks it will be fun. (Hint: It's not. Believe me.)

Some of them are lessons learned, more amusing than anything else now that they're over, like when I traveled from Niagara Falls, New York to Stevens Point, Wisconsin by car in a single day. That was definitely not a good idea, and it was certainly both a first and a last.

Some of them are little reminders that the world is always changing, along with everybody in it. I have a niece that will run up to me and say, “I want you!” with her arms outstretched, which means I'm supposed to lift her up in the air and give her a ride. This is something she's sure to outgrow in the not-so-distant future, and even though things will still be just as fun, only in other ways, it doesn’t change the fact that there’s going to be that last time.

Some of them are signs of progress, such as the last time dialing up to get on the internet, or the last time paying a bill with a physical check.

Some of them are signs of getting older. For example, there’s going to be a last time that I dive recklessly for a volleyball or shoot a three-pointer during a pick-up basketball game, along with whatever day it is that I’ll go out for a run and then decide never to do it again.

Some of them are fun to think about. For instance, whenever my friend Lurch and I are in the U.P. at the same time, we invariably end up playing H-O-R-S-E at Eagle Harbor. It’s tradition. We’ve been doing it since we both moved away, and it makes me wonder, how long will this go on? When is that last time going to be? I don’t see it stopping anytime soon, but does that mean that someday we’ll be in our fifties, with gray or no hair, slightly stooped over, shooting half-court shots and laughing at idiotic jokes, all while people walk by shaking their heads, not quite understanding the ritual that they’re witnessing? I sure hope so.

Some of them are just plain weird. Take the last time I played with G.I. Joe action figures. When was that, and why didn't I ever play again? Did I wake up one day and say, "Well, I'm too old for that," and move on to something different? Or did my playing stints get shorter and shorter until it just sort of fizzled?

Some of them are things you fully expect never to happen again. I’ve been to the Grand Canyon once, and I wouldn’t be surprised if I never go back. There are simply a lot of other places to go and things to see.

But eventually, if you keep thinking about it, you get past the good and the funny and the intriguing and get down to the last times you don’t really want to think about; the last times which prove that nothing lasts forever.

The last time you see the mountains. The last time you see the ocean. The last time you look down on the clouds from the window of an airplane. The last time you get up early just to watch the sunrise in some quiet spot you know.

If that doesn’t get your attention, I’m not sure what will.

The last time you listen to your favorite song. The last time you crack open a new book. The last time you eat your favorite meal. The last time you sip a steaming cup of coffee.

Will you even know it's the last time?

The last time you crack a joke and make the people around you laugh.

The last times you’re with those who are important to you; your friends, your family, your loved ones.

These last times are hard to think about, probably saddening, maybe even scary, but ignoring them doesn’t make them any less real. They can come early in your life, late in your life, any time.

There are many references in songs and books and movies to making each day count, to living like you were dying, to not wasting a moment, and while I don’t disagree with this philosophy, the truth is that no matter how much you cram into your life, no matter how much joy you manage to squeeze out of every moment, you’re still going to experience all of those last times.

Some may say that since you have no ultimate control over it, you should just take all you can get and enjoy it to the fullest, because the alternative is to worry about it needlessly, and again, I don’t disagree. I just think that once in a while it’s good to slow down, take a step back, and ponder it, just to make sure that you’re comfortable with where you’re standing.

Personally, when I do this, which is probably not often enough, I like to think that once I’ve exhausted all of those last times, when I’ve done and seen all that was meant for me, then I’ll get to go to where all of the first times don’t have last times. Then it’s not that scary or sad, and at least for me, that makes all the difference.