Celebrity Awkwardness

So Steve Yzerman was recently at a home Michigan Tech hockey game, where he was either scouting or had gotten really lost and had to get out from the cold. From what I understand, this created quite a fuss, which isn’t that surprising since he’s a Michigan legend, plus in the U.P. celebrity sightings are rare, aside from possibly running into Deve at Dawn at the gas station or something. Anyway, this got me to thinking about meeting famous people, and how I would be absolutely terrible at it.

Let’s say that I was at the Michigan Tech hockey game and I was able to meet Steve Yzerman to get an autograph. (Assuming he gave autographs, of course.) First, it’d be weird because I wouldn’t actually want an autograph. I just don’t see the point in them. (“Hey, this guy signed his name on a piece of paper just so I’d leave him alone! Awesome!”) Second, I wouldn't have anything to say to him, since I'm bad at small talk and don't know enough about hockey to talk serious shop. So basically I’d wait in line to meet Steve, and when it was my turn, I'd just politely nod and walk away.

(No disrespect intended to Steve here, by the way. I remember him playing on one leg in the 2002 playoffs. It was nothing short of inspiring.)

Now, if you think that’s bad, consider this: If I ever did have something to say to a celebrity, things would be even worse. For example, a few years back I watched George Strait in concert. It was fantastic, but if I’d hypothetically been granted a backstage meet and greet, it would have been a disaster. My full awkwardness would have showed itself, and I’d probably have said something like, “I was just watching you from a distance for a couple of hours and it was one of the highlights of my life! I hope that’s not weird! Is it weird? It can’t be weird! Everybody else was watching you, too! But I enjoyed it more than them! Which isn’t weird, is it? Also when you sang Amarillo by Morning, I almost cried.” That makes a non-autograph and a quick nod seem pretty darn good, doesn’t it?

Since I’d be horrible at meeting celebrities, one of my goals in life is to someday have the opportunity to meet one and then ignore them completely. Hopefully it’d be some egotistical celebrity who craves attention. I’d walk by and not give them a second look, as if to say, “I’d stop and say hello to you, Mr. The Situation, but I have a lot of anything but that to get done today.”

How fun would that be?

Now, in an effort to invoke audience participation, which will most likely fail miserably but is still worth a shot, what celebrity would you most like to ignore? Hint: Carrot Top.