PB &Ugh!

I always knew this day was coming, but I tried not to think about it, hoping that the inevitable would somehow become evitable*, even though deep down in my heart, I knew that it wouldn’t. Now that it's happened, I’m left with a giant, proverbial question mark hovering over my head, and I’m really not sure which way I can turn to try and bring order to what was once my sane little world.

It happened last week. I was innocently eating lunch when I took the first bite of my sandwich. That’s when something went terribly wrong: I hated it. It tasted horrible. At that moment, I wanted to eat anything but that sandwich, and that includes Mushroom Surprise**. I stared in disbelief at what once had been a trusty, reliable friend, and I realized the unthinkable: I was finally sick of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

I can’t remember how long I’ve been eating PB & J’s for lunch. I’m talking years, here. I’ll admit that once in a while I’d switch it up with turkey or corned beef, but it wasn’t because I was sick of peanut butter, and instead just for a change. However, it would never last long. I always came back to the trusty PB & J’s, my Old Faithful of sandwiches.

Except now I can’t stand them. The very thought of them make my stomach churn, kind of like what happens when I hear any reference at all to the cast of Jersey Shore. I hoped it was just a phase that would only last a day or two, but no dice. It’s been a week, and I still hate them. In fact, I now find myself not looking forward to lunch at all, which is about as low as you can possibly sink if you’re not on an all beet and prune diet.

Now, you may wonder why this is such an ordeal for me. It’s just one type of sandwich, after all. Well, I’ll tell you: One reason is that PB & J’s make up a good seventy-five percent of my cooking repertoire. What else am I going to eat? Secondly, it’s less about having to make different types of sandwiches and more about the loss of P B & J feeling like a permanent break in what once was a perfect relationship. It’s heartbreaking, really.

But I’m not going down without a fight! I’m going to try using extra jelly. I’ve always liked jelly more than peanut butter, and by really slathering it on, maybe I’ll be able to regain my taste for P B & J’s, even if it’s at the expense of a large, daily caloric increase. If that doesn’t work, maybe I’ll find a different brand of jelly. You don’t just give up on something this important so easily.

Still, I’m not optimistic. This has really thrown me for a loop. If P B & J’s can stop tasting good, is nothing sacred? What if I suddenly decide that I don’t like pizza? (Ordering pizza accounts for another large chunk of my cooking repertoire.) What if I stop liking tacos? Where will it all end? Where!!??

Dang it, all of this drama has made me hungry. Ugh.

*Yes, ‘evitable’ is indeed a word! At least according to the internet.

** Shout-out to Wayside School Is Falling Down.