Epiphanies and Water Heaters

Recently, I had an epiphany. However, before you get too excited, you should know that it wasn’t a life-changing epiphany. Heck, it wasn’t even a mid-level epiphany. In fact, now that I think about it, it may not have even been an epiphany at all, and instead more of a mundane realization on steroids. Regardless, I’ve used the word “epiphany” a number of times now, so I’m just going to have to stick with it.

Let’s start at the beginning, which, like so many other compelling tales, involves water heaters.

You see, the water heater that came with my house was somewhere along the lines of eight-thousand years old, give or take a century, which basically made it the Mr. Burns of water heaters.

"Excellent"

If it had ever sprung a leak and flooded the house, or exploded into a gigantic fireball reminiscent of a scene from a summer blockbuster movie, the only rational response I could have had was, “I’m surprised this didn’t happen in 1997.” And so, with this in mind, I decided to get a new one, and, calling upon the can-do spirit of the pioneers of yesteryear – who built an entire nation with their own two hands – I rolled up my sleeves, put on my big-boy pants, and heartily used my phone to hire out the work.

The hardest part was scheduling a time for the install with the salesman I spoke with. Apparently, the people who install water heaters like to do so during the typical workday (who’d have thought?), and so I had a choice between 9:00 to noon and noon to 4:00 on the selected day. Without hesitation, I chose noon to 4:00, mainly because I’m philosophically opposed to taking a half-day of vacation during the morning hours. (If I’m going to be tired and useless, I may as well be tired and useless at work, right?) The salesman agreed to this, and with that accomplished, I went about my business of staring vacantly out of the window.

Then, about a week later, which was also the day before the water heater was supposed to be delivered, I received a phone call from the actual people who’d be doing the install, wondering if 9:00 to noon would be a good time for them to come.

After I finished hemorrhaging internally, I calmly explained that 9:00 to noon would not, in fact, work out, and that I’d already scheduled it from 12:00 to 4:00. The representative told me she’d see if she could make it work, and then promised to call back.

As you’d probably expect, as I hung up the phone I was both angry and annoyed. The salesman promised me 9:00 to noon, and I’d already taken that time off work! How inefficient a program were they running to have such a disconnect between the people making the promises and the people doing the actual work?

Then came the epiphany: As a computer programmer, I’ve been intimately involved in this situation many times before, and it always goes something like this:

Management: Hey, there’s a new project we need you to get on.

Me: What is it?

Management (after telling me what it is): How long will it take?

Me: About 3 weeks.

Management: Is there any chance you could do it in 1?

Me: No.

Management: Are you sure?

Me: Yes. It’s physically impossible to do in a single week. In fact, 3 weeks is probably pushing it.

Management: Oh… well, the sales guys promised the customer it'd be done in a week.

Me: Can we get somebody to help me with it?

Management: No, everybody else is scrambling to finish previous projects with unrealistic timelines set by the sales guys.

Me (with a sigh):  I suppose I could sleep at the office…

Management: If you’re going to be eating from the vending machines, I’m going to need you to sign the proper waiver forms.

Suddenly, I was no longer angry at the person who’d just called me. She was my mirror image, somebody working on the actual implementation side of the equation, and she was probably just trying to make things fit logistically on her end. In my mind, the sales guy had probably scheduled an unrealistic amount of installs from noon to 4:00 on that day, and she was just trying to make it all work. (“Okay, according to this we have to be in two… three… four places at once this afternoon. Hey, that’s better than usual! We barely even have to break the laws of physics!”)

And so, even though I’d probably already known it at a subconscious level for some time, I came to the realization that computer programmers aren’t the only ones routinely thrown under the proverbial bus by the sales people, and I vowed then and there to try and keep this in mind when working with anybody on the implementation side of things in matters such as these.

And I highly recommend that you do, too.

(Also, if you’re wondering, they were eventually able to fit me in from noon to 4:00, although I’m pretty sure time travel was involved.)