Father's Day

As I’ve mentioned before, I am essentially a reserved Finlander at heart, and by this I mean that an extreme show of emotion for me would be the slight narrowing of my eyes when I’m angry, or the allowance of the smallest snicker when somebody walks into a pole while texting.

Now, while I’m generally happy with this genetic disposition, it does put me in a bind on certain occasions, such as Father’s day, where emotions are typically required that go beyond being slightly annoyed by everybody around me.

I mean, let’s face it: guys don’t do feelings well, especially when they’re reserved Finlanders at heart, and when you come upon a day where a son is supposed to show his appreciation to his father, the options become severely limited. For me, it usually means a phone call that lasts for about three minutes, during which time the most heartfelt phrase used is, “I’ll talk to you later.” (It’s heartfelt because it implies future communication, which is a form of commitment, and thus, Guy Kryptonite.)

In a good communication-less father/son relationship, the act of assuming is paramount, despite what they always say happens when you assume. (“A sumo wrestler might squash you.”) In particular, the following assumptions are critical:

• Despite never hearing verbal confirmation, the father assumes that the son appreciates him.
• Despite never giving his father verbal confirmation, the son assumes that the father knows he’s appreciated.

Personally, I can’t think of a more beautiful system! Words never even have to be exchanged, and, as a bonus, the Hallmark Corporation doesn’t get to dip into anybody’s pocket! All is right with the world!

However, being a son who likes to do more than is required, I have also implemented a system where I try to express my gratitude through the act of not doing things that could potentially lead a parental unit into thinking they failed in their job of child-rearing, such as:

• Not moving back in with them.
• Not getting arrested. (As far as they know.)
• Not going on a reality television singing show.
• Not being the guy who wanders around with a sandwich board that says the world will end tomorrow.
• Not becoming a politician.

I don’t know about you, but I really think that’s going the extra mile. Bonus points for me!

Now, you may be thinking, but here’s your chance! You have a blog with upwards of three regular readers where you could finally express your true feelings! Through the wonderful median of the internet, you could finally say what’s really on your mind! There’s never been a better opportunity! Take advantage of it!

And to that I say, are you crazy? Sharing feelings? It gives me shivers to even think about. Personally, I’d much rather go with the assumption route. It’s so much more elegant.