Missing: One Blog

You may be wondering about the reasons for my recent lack of updates.

Had I run out of even the most pedestrian of ideas to blog about?

Had my laziness finally overrun my need to garnish attention via self-involved internet postings?

Had the notorious GTIB (Good Taste In Blogging) society finally gotten to me?

Was my silence part of some sort of artistic stand I was taking?

The answer to all of those questions is: Nope! The real reason for my lack up updates – and you’re going to chuckle when you hear it – is much simpler: I’d misplaced my blog! Yup, I just lost the darn thing. You see, one day a few weeks ago I was going to write a truly hilarious post about spinach when I couldn’t find my blog anywhere! In a panic, I checked all of the usual spots: under the bed, in the cookie jar, on the roof of my car, but it was nowhere to be found!

I immediately sprung into action and distributed thousands of posters detailing my missing blog. However, a week went by with no leads. By this time, I was growing quite concerned. I couldn’t bear the thought of my blog out there by itself, cold and shivering, without anybody to read it a good-night story.

A few days later, I was a sniveling wreck. (I’m usually just sniveling.) I thought of going to the blog store and getting a new one, but that just didn’t seem right. A new blog couldn’t replace the one I’d spend four years building up, with each post getting more nonsensical than the last, to the point where all of the new content not only lacked any shred of literary value, but also displayed a complete lapse of the most basic of logical thinking.

But just when I’d about given up hope, there came a knocking at my front door. I’d long since spiraled into a state of despair, where I was throwing back Mountain Dews like there was no tomorrow, and I opened the door looking disheveled and smelling like I hadn’t bathed in weeks – which may or may not have been the case.

Oh how my heart soared when I saw that it was my blog! It’d come home! I hugged it and it licked my face. What a joyous occasion, what a wonderful reunion!

And so here we are, together again, one happy family! This means that the updates should start coming fast and furious, now. Unless, of course – hey! Where’d it go?!