HAGD. Lunboks.

If you were to ask a random person on the street if they thought their family was normal, they'd most likely scoff at you for asking such a silly question. Then they'd probably wonder why you were being creepy and asking about their family, by which point you should probably be running away.

The point is, nobody has a normal family. This is good, however, because normal is also boring. Having an interesting – which is really just a code word for weird – family is much, much more entertaining.

One of the best things about family, especially siblings, is that over time you develop little idiosyncrasies amongst yourselves that would probably make you look insane to the outside world if the outside world wasn’t too busy being insane with their own families to notice.

Example: Our family is a big Calvin and Hobbes family. We’ve been reading it for years, and one cartoon in particular has permeated our communication methodology. In it, an alien lands in front of Calvin in a small spaceship, and Calvin promptly introduces himself by saying, “Greetings, my name is Calvin.” The alien then uses his powers/technology to take on Calvin’s appearance and says, “Gritings. Ma Nam is Kahlfin.” Calvin, seeing an opportunity in the mimicry, gives the alien his lunchbox and tells him to have a good day at school, then runs off to enjoy his newfound freedom. The alien says, “Lunboks,” and when Susie later appears on the scene, tells her to, “Hoffa Gud Tay Askool.”

My siblings and I found this cartoon hilarious, and at some point we began to put addendums onto our notes and emails to each other that were basically some variation of: “Hoffa Gud Tay. Lunboks.”

If this isn’t weird enough, “Hoffa Gud Tay” has since been shortened to HAGD. So now when I read an email from a sibling and see “HAGD. Lunboks,” I barely even notice it, where to anybody else it would seem that the sender is either a terrible speller, having a seizure, or perhaps both.

The best part is, I don’t see this weirdness ever going away, no matter how mature and responsible we all become. It’s just too fun to give up, and I sincerely believe that when we’re all in old age homes, we’ll be telling each other to hoff gud tays via whatever communication standard has since become prevalent.

How awesome is that?

Also, Bill Watterson is a genius.

Lunboks.

Missing: One Blog

You may be wondering about the reasons for my recent lack of updates.

Had I run out of even the most pedestrian of ideas to blog about?

Had my laziness finally overrun my need to garnish attention via self-involved internet postings?

Had the notorious GTIB (Good Taste In Blogging) society finally gotten to me?

Was my silence part of some sort of artistic stand I was taking?

The answer to all of those questions is: Nope! The real reason for my lack up updates – and you’re going to chuckle when you hear it – is much simpler: I’d misplaced my blog! Yup, I just lost the darn thing. You see, one day a few weeks ago I was going to write a truly hilarious post about spinach when I couldn’t find my blog anywhere! In a panic, I checked all of the usual spots: under the bed, in the cookie jar, on the roof of my car, but it was nowhere to be found!

I immediately sprung into action and distributed thousands of posters detailing my missing blog. However, a week went by with no leads. By this time, I was growing quite concerned. I couldn’t bear the thought of my blog out there by itself, cold and shivering, without anybody to read it a good-night story.

A few days later, I was a sniveling wreck. (I’m usually just sniveling.) I thought of going to the blog store and getting a new one, but that just didn’t seem right. A new blog couldn’t replace the one I’d spend four years building up, with each post getting more nonsensical than the last, to the point where all of the new content not only lacked any shred of literary value, but also displayed a complete lapse of the most basic of logical thinking.

But just when I’d about given up hope, there came a knocking at my front door. I’d long since spiraled into a state of despair, where I was throwing back Mountain Dews like there was no tomorrow, and I opened the door looking disheveled and smelling like I hadn’t bathed in weeks – which may or may not have been the case.

Oh how my heart soared when I saw that it was my blog! It’d come home! I hugged it and it licked my face. What a joyous occasion, what a wonderful reunion!

And so here we are, together again, one happy family! This means that the updates should start coming fast and furious, now. Unless, of course – hey! Where’d it go?!